I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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