Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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