nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wear drunk well.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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