She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
