im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
