you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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