She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
