i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are all done wearing pants today
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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