My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
