My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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