The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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