We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
