Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
