I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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