I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
