Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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