I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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