I am full of burrito and curiosity
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
