why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
