that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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