Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
