end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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