talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
