Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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