are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
