Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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