My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
