Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
