I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
