in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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