so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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