matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
