haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
