Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
