I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
