I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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