Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
