it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
