I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize