i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
