ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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