This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
