Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
