WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
how drunk are you?
Several
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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