They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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