Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
