it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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