I just cut my nipple shaving
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
