My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
