just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
