If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My bed smells like the plague
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize