Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
