I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you like me you must not know who I am
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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