It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
