Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
