he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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