6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
