Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
