The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
