Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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