I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
