we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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