She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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