Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We need to get me chipped asap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
